For the past three weeks, I have known that I will be transitioning back to regular food beginning on Monday June 13th. I have gotten slowly closer and closer to my goal, and decided to transition on June 13th even though I will not exactly be at my goal because I wanted to make sure I had a full month of eating "regular" food before beginning my pre-doctoral internship on August 10th. The transition process takes four weeks, and each week a new food or set of foods is introduced so that my body can slowly become acclimated to digesting solid food again instead of just the shakes.
I have very mixed feelings about going into transition. On one hand, I'm extremely excited. I am very close to my goal, and I know that with the remaining time I have on the shakes with the weight loss I will have during the transition period itself, I will be at my goal in no time. However, the part of me that has found great comfort in not having to worry about what to eat or when to eat it or even having to prepare food is very nervous. It's very easy to think it's been three hours, it's time to eat again, pull out a shake, mix it, and drink it down. For the past year, my routine has been that simple. With the introduction of food back into the equation, I now need to think about meal planning, grocery shopping, and time for food preparation. I also need to think about planning food that can be easily packed to travel with me during the day so that I am never without the food I need to sustain me. Right now, this feels very daunting.
In my waking hours, I notice my anxiety in little ways. Being aware of food on a more heightened level is one, and an underlying sense of buzzy anticipation is another. I even experience this anxiety when I'm sleeping. Fears and worries about transition have crept into my dreams, and have made it difficult for me to have a solid night's sleep for easily the last week and a half. I have nightmares about eating the wrong food or regaining the weight so quickly I can't stop it from happening. I just hope that I can find a routine to settle into that allows me to keep myself satisfied and with the proper nutrition to keep myself nourished without becoming crazy or obsessive about eating and food.
Showing posts with label Transition. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Transition. Show all posts
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Got Louie?
First of all, a word about my conspicuous absence. It's been about 3 months since I've posted, and I apologize for dropping the ball. Somehow, spring semester at school always seems to kick my butt more than fall semester did, and this year was no exception. I managed to survive through internship applications, interviews, and selections as well as completing the last classes required for my graduate program and still maintain my focus on self-care and weight loss. It's a little bit miraculous that I've survived this well, actually. All that being said, life is calming down (a little bit) right now, and I have the luxury of taking a few minutes to myself to write to you again.
As of today, I've lost nearly 140 pounds. That number is staggering. There are many fully-grown, healthy adult women who weigh less than I have lost. I can't even wrap my brain around how much of a difference it is. In order to get a sense of it, when I was at the pet store the other day, I calculated that it would take four of the 35-pound dog food bags I normally get in order to match how much weight I'm no longer carrying. This was all the more stunning when I picked up one of the bags and realized how heavy it felt. There's no way I could pick up four of them at once! Yet that is what I was carrying around with me every day. All of a sudden, the reason for my constant fatigue and difficulties doing the things I wanted to do became crystal clear. Of course I was exhausted! Of course I couldn't move around well! Of course my body hurt every time I did anything at all!
I am so grateful for where I am right now; words simply aren't enough to express my feelings. I'm not at my goal yet - still 20 pounds to go - but I'm now in the process of planning what I will eat when I'm on maintenance to ensure my success at keeping the weight off. My husband is the (mostly) happy recipient of my culinary efforts, and has found his own energy level picking up as I have begun feeding him well-balanced, wholesome meals. I've also gotten to the point where I've decided on a transition date (pending the doctor's approval, of course). On June 13, I will have my first solid food in literally a year, and will begin the difficult journey of negotiating food and calories in the "real world" once again. Excited? You bet! Terrified? For sure.
As you know from reading other entries in my blog, one thing I have really enjoyed doing as I have gotten more fit is running. My running has improved significantly since my weight loss has begun (I know, big surprise, right?), but it has particularly gotten better in the last several months as I have trained for and completed two 5k races. My next 5k race is scheduled for June 5, and my hope is to run it at an average pace of less than 13 minutes per mile.
Part of losing the last of my weight and keeping all of it off is making fitness part of my life in a way that it never has before. The first time I tried to do that as an adult was in 2006, with my first season in Team in Training (TNT). I made huge progress - going from not being able to run a single mile to running nine miles in one morning - but injured myself and didn't reach my goal of running a half marathon. Well, now that I'm healthy again (in knee as well as the rest of my body), it feels like time to pick that goal back up and finish it. I have rejoined TNT, and will begin training for the Nike Women's Half Marathon in June of 2011. I'm so excited! Not just for the possibility of finishing my goal, but also for the structure and support the team will give me around fitness and exercise. I have learned that I just do better when I'm on a team and I have a goal. The best part is that this time, I do believe I can "do the dam thing" (as Coach Al from TNT would say) because I've already successfully completed one half marathon, and my level of fitness now is far better than it has ever been in my life.
The theme for TNT this year is "Got Louie?" You can read his story here, but the short version is this: Louie was a man who battled chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML), and after he regained his strength from going through treatment, he decided he wanted to complete an Ironman triathlon to show that he could still live his life despite his illness. Ten years ago, he completed his Ironman triathlon and inspired multitudes of people with his story, and his strength. Sadly, he passed away a year later, but his strength and vitality live on in the memories of those who saw him battle his disease and live his life the way he wanted to.
This year, the folks at TNT are asking us, "Got Louie?" because they want to know who it is that inspires us to do what we do. I have lots of Louies, and you'll hear about them more later, but what's striking me right now is this: Because of my weight loss and my tenacity in running training as well as many other areas of my life, I am Louie too. I have had friends tell me I should be a motivational speaker; in fact, on Monday night I have received my first request to speak about my weight loss process to a group already (and I'm not even done!). I have had countless people, friends and acquaintances alike, tell me that they have been inspired to do something to improve their health, fitness, or weight because of seeing what I am doing for myself. To be that kind of inspiration to someone else is a profound and unexpected privilege that I hope never to take for granted.
Who's your Louie?
As of today, I've lost nearly 140 pounds. That number is staggering. There are many fully-grown, healthy adult women who weigh less than I have lost. I can't even wrap my brain around how much of a difference it is. In order to get a sense of it, when I was at the pet store the other day, I calculated that it would take four of the 35-pound dog food bags I normally get in order to match how much weight I'm no longer carrying. This was all the more stunning when I picked up one of the bags and realized how heavy it felt. There's no way I could pick up four of them at once! Yet that is what I was carrying around with me every day. All of a sudden, the reason for my constant fatigue and difficulties doing the things I wanted to do became crystal clear. Of course I was exhausted! Of course I couldn't move around well! Of course my body hurt every time I did anything at all!
I am so grateful for where I am right now; words simply aren't enough to express my feelings. I'm not at my goal yet - still 20 pounds to go - but I'm now in the process of planning what I will eat when I'm on maintenance to ensure my success at keeping the weight off. My husband is the (mostly) happy recipient of my culinary efforts, and has found his own energy level picking up as I have begun feeding him well-balanced, wholesome meals. I've also gotten to the point where I've decided on a transition date (pending the doctor's approval, of course). On June 13, I will have my first solid food in literally a year, and will begin the difficult journey of negotiating food and calories in the "real world" once again. Excited? You bet! Terrified? For sure.
As you know from reading other entries in my blog, one thing I have really enjoyed doing as I have gotten more fit is running. My running has improved significantly since my weight loss has begun (I know, big surprise, right?), but it has particularly gotten better in the last several months as I have trained for and completed two 5k races. My next 5k race is scheduled for June 5, and my hope is to run it at an average pace of less than 13 minutes per mile.
Part of losing the last of my weight and keeping all of it off is making fitness part of my life in a way that it never has before. The first time I tried to do that as an adult was in 2006, with my first season in Team in Training (TNT). I made huge progress - going from not being able to run a single mile to running nine miles in one morning - but injured myself and didn't reach my goal of running a half marathon. Well, now that I'm healthy again (in knee as well as the rest of my body), it feels like time to pick that goal back up and finish it. I have rejoined TNT, and will begin training for the Nike Women's Half Marathon in June of 2011. I'm so excited! Not just for the possibility of finishing my goal, but also for the structure and support the team will give me around fitness and exercise. I have learned that I just do better when I'm on a team and I have a goal. The best part is that this time, I do believe I can "do the dam thing" (as Coach Al from TNT would say) because I've already successfully completed one half marathon, and my level of fitness now is far better than it has ever been in my life.
The theme for TNT this year is "Got Louie?" You can read his story here, but the short version is this: Louie was a man who battled chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML), and after he regained his strength from going through treatment, he decided he wanted to complete an Ironman triathlon to show that he could still live his life despite his illness. Ten years ago, he completed his Ironman triathlon and inspired multitudes of people with his story, and his strength. Sadly, he passed away a year later, but his strength and vitality live on in the memories of those who saw him battle his disease and live his life the way he wanted to.
This year, the folks at TNT are asking us, "Got Louie?" because they want to know who it is that inspires us to do what we do. I have lots of Louies, and you'll hear about them more later, but what's striking me right now is this: Because of my weight loss and my tenacity in running training as well as many other areas of my life, I am Louie too. I have had friends tell me I should be a motivational speaker; in fact, on Monday night I have received my first request to speak about my weight loss process to a group already (and I'm not even done!). I have had countless people, friends and acquaintances alike, tell me that they have been inspired to do something to improve their health, fitness, or weight because of seeing what I am doing for myself. To be that kind of inspiration to someone else is a profound and unexpected privilege that I hope never to take for granted.
Who's your Louie?
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